Where Do You Stand With Your In-Laws?
Happy Wife, Happy Life
Mother-in-law jokes have become cliché. It is common hear an insult hurled her way by comedians, sitcom characters and email forwards. Why the animosity? Is it as bad as it is made out to be, or is this harmless entertainment for the masses? Well, it depends on who you ask. After all, there is most likely a seed of truth in the stereotypical relationship with the in laws.
Mother-in-laws typically bear the brunt of this verbal abuse. The jokes, the snide comments and overall disdain seem to be just part of marriage in the eyes of some. In reality, though, your mother-in-law can be your best ally. If you stand on her good side, you are positioning yourself for a strong and healthy relationship with the entire family, as other members tend to take their cue from the matronly figures in the family.
It is always fairly obvious where you stand with you mother-in-law. Do you get favorable treatment or is hardly a word of kindness uttered your way? Strive to mend any differences you may have with her. Of course, there are limits. If she is just bitter by nature, it may be best to cut your losses and only deal with those family members you actually have a shot at building a relationship with. If you put too much pressure on any relationship, you will only add to the strain and the problem.
Staying right with your father-in-law is also a great strategy for a happy home life. Not only can he help you with any mother-in-law problems, but he is an integral part of the family. His respect is worth any extra effort you must exert to gain it. Some father-in-laws are very easy to read. You know exactly where you stand. For others, it may take some time to determine his true feelings. Be true to yourself and your spouse and foster a loving relationship with all in your family.
Your in-laws don’t stop with your spouse’s parents. You may also have to contend with your partner’s siblings. They are often a great source of information. They will let you know what your mother-in-law and father-in-law are thinking. Having a great relationship with the ones your spouse cherishes will put you on everybody’s good side.
Always know where you stand in the family. Act accordingly. If there is tension in the relationship with any in-law, do not do anything to exacerbate it. Repair it if possible. If there is no chance of a truce, remain respectful. Adding insult to injury will not get you anywhere but in the dog house. Remember, this is your spouse’s family, not a bunch of strangers you won’t be seeing again. Take the high road and always aim to walk on the good side of those in your family.
Read More»Tips For Arguing With Women
Your dad might have told you, “Son, don’t ever argue with a woman.” Well, that’s nice advice, Dad, but it hardly ever works out that way in real life. What you have to remember is that men and women are different animals at the emotional level, and women argue differently than men do. You have to be able to anticipate, to react, and to retreat when necessary. But more than anything else, you have to be able to keep a clear head. Here are some things you need to remember:
• Fight fair. Even if she’s not, you need to take and hold the high ground. Keep things centered on the problem at hand, and don’t start dredging things up from the past. It’ll make it seem like you’re keeping score, and if it’s fair for you to keep score, you can bet that she will too. Even if she throws things from your past back at you, don’t respond in kind.
• Don’t yell. Nobody wins an argument by yelling. Your tone can convey how serious you are without having to raise your voice.
• Don’t call her names. Name-calling is way out of bounds. It brings things down to a juvenile sort of level, and you better believe that if you call her something offensive she is not going to forget about it.
• Don’t patronize. You shouldn’t patronize anybody, really, but particularly the woman you’re involved with. It’s insulting and it’s guaranteed to escalate her anger and resentment.
• Know when to back off. There are times when you are just not going to win. You need to know when to say when and tell her, “Honey, I’m afraid this is going to damage our relationship.” Walk away. In the short run, it might make her even madder, but it may also be just what you need to do to impose some damage control.
• Know when to admit you’re wrong. This is different from the above. Hear her out and try to see things from her angle. This kind of detachment is where it’s very important to be able to keep a clear head. If she’s right and you know it, admit it. Tell her you’re sorry and you’ll try to work on that problem area.
• Be honest. If you lie to her, chances are she’s going to know it from your tone, your eyes and your body language. If you lie to her and she doesn’t know it until later, be ready for Chapter II of the fight you had, except it’s going to be the much-worse sequel. And besides…what kind of relationship are you going to set up by lying to her?
• Let her vent before you take up the argument. Lots of times, women (and men) just need to put the cards on the table, and you need to listen. That can be half the argument just by itself. Know when to NOT talk and to do the listening, and pay attention to what she’s saying! Don’t be thinking about football or what you’re going to say next while she’s spilling the beans to you.
Read More»Helpful Pick Up Lines
Attractive women are everywhere around us, so sometimes it helps to have a few pick up lines ready to go, whether you are talking to a girl in a bar, or the smoking hottie in the gym. Pick up lines can vary from the most serious of questions, to a one line innuendo, which may go terribly wrong. However you approach your dream date, it is important to be confident and self assured. If you look nervous, twitchy, or stutter, it will definitely put off your prospective target!
1) Say ‘Hello’. It might not be imaginative, but at least it’s not sleazy, and this is one of those pick up lines to use on everyone, including the nanny. Saying hi to someone you’ve never spoken to is generally the hardest part of the conversation. After that you can talk about anything. Ask their name, or ask where they are from. All you have to do is show an interest in them, and prove that you are not talking to them for one reason only (Even if in reality, you are).
2) Compliment Her! There’s no woman that won’t appreciate this, as long as you’re not being a creep. Tell her you love the color of her hair, or ask her what she’s listening to, and tell her what great taste she has in music. Avoid mentioning anything that’s covered up by clothing, though. That means her butt is off limits!
3) The ‘Funny Pick Up Line’, it may be corny, and it may be embarrassing, but lines such as “are you from Tennessee, because you are the only Ten I see” and “Did you get a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you” can actually work if they’re played off for comedic effect after a few drinks. Just don’t open with one of these, please!
4) Lend A Hand. If you see someone in need, lend a hand. It can be a perfect ice breaker, and will give you a bit of room to make conversation. Not only that, but helping someone out when you don’t need to also acts as a little indicator that maybe you really do like the person! So if you see an attractive girl unable to reach something on a high shelf, of you see her struggling to pick out a book, lend a hand, or a suggestion, and strike up a conversation!
5) The Corny Old Favorites if you’re intent on using them here are a few suggestions on those, as well. Just don’t expect to get anything out of them, except a few laughs.
“The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.”
“If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.”
Not to forget of course, the classic, “Are you Tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day!”
Read More»How To Ask A Coworker Out
The Do’s And Don’ts Of Dating At Work
Just because there’s a hottie working down the hall from you doesn’t mean you’re destined for an office hookup, but there can be definite perks to asking out a coworker. There are also a lot of things that can go wrong if you miscalculate the situation. So how do you ask a coworker out? There are a whole lot more wrong ways to do this than there are right ones, so let’s talk about the right ways first:
· Does she like you? Seems like a no-brainer, but a lot of guys don’t even take it into account. Does she come over to your cubicle to chat? Does she think you’re funny or interesting? Has she ever acted receptive to lunch or happy hour? If not, forget it and move on. Don’t misinterpret normal workplace camaraderie for flirtation.
· Is she your boss? If so, tread very carefully. You’re stepping into a minefield. You’re probably better off not even going there in the first place.
· Does she like the same things you do? Think about that if you’re going to ask her out. If she likes romantic comedies, don’t ask her to go to see an action movie. If she likes football, don’t ask her to go with you to a hockey match. If she doesn’t like sports, don’t ask her to go to either one.
· Keep it casual! Just like any other dating situation, no woman likes a guy who comes on too strong, too early. Joke around with her, make her feel at ease with you, make her laugh. That’s why lunch or happy hour might be a good first step towards at least feeling things out to see what might be possible. But be smart — don’t even hint at asking her out in front of any coworkers.
NOW, THE POTENTIAL PITFALLS!!
· Do NOT use company email to talk about dating-related stuff. If your emails are monitored and you are audited, you could both be written up or, worse, fired. Lots of companies have very specific issues with this in the company handbook. Even if it’s not expressly forbidden, be smart… DON’T.
· The same thing applies for phones and voicemail. Don’t set yourself up for trouble.
· Check your company handbook or HR policies for dating issues. Some companies do not allow it regardless of the circumstances, and in any case, boss/subordinate dating relationships are usually off-limits.
· If you press the issue or misinterpret “signals” from her, you can be fired, written up or sued for sexual harassment. That’s the business climate, circa 2010.
· Be prepared for gossip, rumors and backstabbing from envious coworkers. This falls under the category of “that’s just how people are.” Even if you were friends before, things can start heading this way if there’s a whiff of a dating/ relationship in the air.
· Keep things strictly G-rated and on the up-and-up while at work. If you have to, keep it secret (which can make things a little more interesting anyway). It’s for your own good.
· If she’s not receptive to going out with you, let it drop and move on. Keep things strictly on a business-related, professional level from that point on. It’s not worth it, for the sake of your job, your friendships and your sanity.
Read More»How To Get Along With Your Girlfriends Friends
Dealing with Her Friend’s
Few girls are willing to hang onto a guy when her friends are openly opposed to him. For this very reason, meeting the friends can be just as nerve-wracking as meeting the parents. Generally speaking though, it shouldn’t be too difficult to woo (or make amends with) your girlfriend’s friends. After all, you aren’t looking to become the Thelma to their Louise. You just want to maintain a level of civility and respect so the girls won’t demand a dumping.
The first part of the ritual is, obviously, to meet her group of friends. If you’ve been dating your girlfriend for sometime and have yet to meet them, bring up the subject yourself. You might not be in a hurry to rush into the tiger’s den, but consider that it’s an unavoidable event if you plan to continue dating. Being proactive at least has the benefit of giving you the upper hand over both your lady and her friends. It helps demonstrate that you have an active, genuine interest in your girlfriend and her life. That’s a great first impression to make. Relatedly, if your girlfriend is adamant about you meeting her friends, graciously agree rather than trying to get out of it. It should go without saying that constantly blanking her friends can easily lead to bad feelings.
Once you’ve finally met up, be prepared to answer questions. Avoid, however, letting this situation turn into a type of job interview. Be engaging. Ask her friends about their lives, interests, etc. Showing your interest in them as a person, not just some obstacle or accessory, will benefit your popularity. Try not to let this form of conversing turn into flirting since everybody in this group is definitely off-limits.
To follow on that same note, while her friends may be insanely hot, flirting with them will only get you into everybody’s bad graces. If your girlfriend and her friends can’t trust you to keep it in your pants with people you both know, they certainly aren’t going to be optimistic about your behavior with strangers. For similar reasons of suspicion, it’s advisable that you try not to trash talk anybody during the gathering whether it’s the waiter, your boss, or one of the friends. This might lead them to thinking that these sort of backhanded comments are common with you and, as a result, they’ll worry about your sincerity.
After the meeting comes the follow-up or wrap-up depending upon how things went. If you find that you really don’t like your girlfriend’s friends, it’s unfortunate but it doesn’t need to be the end of the relationship. Simply keep your interaction with her friends to a minimum and remain a gentleman in such situations. Her friends are an important part of who she is and you shouldn’t force her to give that up. Regardless of whether you love or hate her friends, treat them genially when you meet by chance as well. Simple actions such as asking about their lives, interests, etc. (again, but more specific this time) go a long way.
In the end, things should work out so long as you care about your girlfriend and treat all parties involved with a fair amount of respect.
For more interesting articles about dating and relationships and much more please visit the sex and relationship section on GKMen.
Read More»12 Places Not To Take Your Date
First dates are always awkward. Finding the right place for this awkwardness is even more difficult. Some of these ought to be real no-brainers, but guys can be amazingly clueless and clueless about such things.
Use your creativity, if you’ve got any, and take her someplace fun! Fun for both of you, not just someplace you’ve always want to go to. Avoid these 12 places if you want a chance for another date.
1. The local neighborhood bar
You might think it’s the perfect spot, but consider that either one of you might run into a friend or acquaintance and get caught up in conversation with that person, taking away from your time with each other.
2. A trendy bar or nightclub
This is an especially bad idea on a first date, because you don’t want to have drunks approach her and have to tell them, “She’s mine, back off.” On a first date, she is most definitely NOT yours, and that sort of territorial-pissing is going to be a big turn-off. Avoid, unless you want the first date to also be the last.
3. Movies or plays
That’s why the cliché is “dinner and a movie.” Make sure the plans include something before or something later, because a movie or play demands your attention and heads off any conversation you might have.
4. Concerts
Does she like the band you’re going to see? If so, does she like them so much that she might be a little obsessive about it? You don’t want her remembering the concert more than she remembers you. And once again, you have a place that’s so loud that it’s a conversation-killer and you run the risk of having other guys hitting on your date.
5. Sporting events
C’mon guys…a lot of women don’t give a flip about sports. And if your (or her) team loses, you are going to have the evening wrap up on a sour note. Avoid.
6. Family events
Only if you’ve been together awhile and are already an item. Otherwise, it’s going to be boring and awkward at best.
7. Church events
Same as #6.
8. Work-related events (company picnic, Christmas party, etc)
Same as #6.
9. The beach
Might be great, or might make you both very self-conscious. Tread carefully.
10. The mall
This isn’t even a “place.” It’s just a hangout for 2/3 of the people there, and you may be stuck in the awkward position of just twiddling your thumbs while she shops, OR vice versa.
11. Anyplace involving friends
Again, this might be fine if you’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months and are already comfortable with each other. Anytime before then, putting your friends into the equation is going to be awkward and borderline rude for her.
12. Monster truck rallies
We really didn’t have to tell you that, did we? Monster trucks, tractor pulls or WWE/UFC events are pretty well off-limits.
No matter where you take her, make sure you show her attention and don’t get caught up in where you are going or what you’re doing.
For more about dating and relationships and much more please visit the sex and relationship section on GKMen.
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